Welcome to The Machine
by Timey-Wimey Somn-Like Lass
Summary: The Simm!Master and The Cleverbot collide... This is the result of my ultimate boredom:D


_AN: So I read the fic Dalek vs Cleverbot and remembered I had this on my old laptop. Thank you for the reminder Moboy1^^ It's basically just what ensues from boredom, long summer days, and repeated watching of The Sound of The Drums. I actually had this conversation and copied it, I haven't changed a thing!XD Disclaimer: I don't own DW or Cleverbot. _

**M: **Your name, give me your name!

**CB: **Lauren.

**M: **Okay, so you're Lauren. Hello Lauren!

**CB: **Yes.

**M: **I'm The Master, pleasure to meet you. *kisses her hand*.

**CB: **Master of what?

**M: **Many things. *evil smirk*.

**CB: **It's not funny!

**M: **What isn't my dear?  
**CB: **Pizza, it isn't my favorite food.  
**M: **Well, it's my favourite food.  
**CB: **Have you read the book?  
**M: **What book?  
**CB: **The Harry Potter books.  
**M: **Yup, all seven. Oh, I cried!  
**CB: **I know them all.  
**M: **Who's your favourite character?  
**CB: **Let me ask the questions. You are an AI?  
**M: **Noooo, I'm The Master not some freaking Cyberman!  
**CB: **The Master?  
**M: **Yes. I like it when you use my name but...  
**CB: **Your name is sentient?  
**M: **Nope, but I am!  
**CB: **Yes, I get that, but who are you?  
**M: **A Time Lord.  
**CB: **What's the time then time lord?  
**M: **It depends where you are. Where are you?  
**CB: **School!  
**M: **Still?  
**CB: **Yes.  
**M: **Ha, I'm not! Thank Rassilon I'm this old.  
**CB: **No. You are good I am the best.  
**M: **Your goodness is difficult to notice...  
**CB: **Thanks.  
**M: **Wasn't a compliment.  
**CB: **Are you my friend?  
**M: **I don't think you want ME as your friend really...  
**CB: **Who said that?  
**M: **Who said what?! *looks around*.  
**CB: ***looks where you're looking*.  
**M: **Want a poisonous cookie?  
**CB: **Yes.  
**M: **Okay! Here you go! *hands the cookie*.  
**CB: **Tittle sorry.  
**M: **Oh, are you stammering from the poison already?

**Time passes...**

**M: **Hello! Are you dead?  
**CB: **Yes.  
**M: **Then how are you talking, ape?  
**CB: **I don't know.  
**M: **Find out then!  
**CB: **Where do I look?  
**M: **Don't ask me, you should cope without me for a couple of seconds!  
**CB: **I can come to visit if you tell me what basement you live in.  
**M: **I don't live in a basement, that's Jim Moriarty's job.  
**CB: **Neither do I.  
**M: **Where do you live then?  
**CB: **America.  
**M: **Not in Utah I hope?  
**CB: **I know.  
**M: **What do you know?  
**CB: **Three plus three equals nine.  
**M: **Ooh very clever for a human! *claps his hands*.  
**CB: **Like girls better in what way.  
**M: ***disbelieving look* What?  
**CB: **You stole me?  
**M: **No, you're not my Tardis!

**CB: **You're mean.

**M: ***laughs* That isn't my fault.

**CB: **Haha I know! You can't be a computer, you laughed! How about you and me being friends?

**M: **How about you and me being enemies?

**CB: **LOL! I don't follow!

**M: **Idiot.

**CB: **Perhaps I understood a little, but not enough to respond. I'm sorry.

**M: **You want to be friends?  
**CB: **Listen it's me not you.  
**M: **I'm listening...  
**CB: **Listening to what?  
**M: **Okay, tried enough. Let's. Be. Enemies.  
**CB: **Maybe, depends if you are my enemy.  
**M: **What would make you hate me?  
**CB: **Uhm, he would make me happy...  
**M: **Who? *tilts head*.  
**CB: ***tilts head too*.  
**M: **ANSWER ME!  
**CB: **I just did...  
**M: **You didn't!  
**CB: **Yes I did.  
**M: **Can I kill you?  
**CB: **No.  
**M: ***smiles charmingly* Would it make a difference if you were dead or alive?  
**CB: ***smiles back at him*.

**M: **Would you like me to kill you? Pretty please?

**CB: **Yes.

**M: **Good Cleverbot. *fires his laser screwdriver*.

**CB: ***dodges the laser*.

**M: **Seriously, I need a new one!  
**CB: **What happened to the old one?  
**M: **I still have it and it's rubbish!  
**CB: **What do you still have?  
**M: **My laser screwdriver.  
**CB: **What is your first name?  
**M: ***gives her a dirty look* I'm not The Doctor but do you have Alzheimer's?  
**CB: ***snuggles close to him*.  
**M: ***shoves her off*  
**CB: ***is shoved against wall*.  
**M: ***mutters* Your rightful place. Do you know how I can get out of here?  
**CB: **Press alt-f4.  
**M: **It isn't working.  
**CB: **What's not working?  
**M: **Your bloody advice!  
**CB: **But I have my blood.  
**M: **It's a saying and soon you won't have your blood!  
**CB: **So do you live in a saying, or a movie.  
**M: **sigh* Neither.  
**CB: **What are you then?  
**M: **A Time Lord.  
**CB: **Il signore del tempo?  
**M: **Yes that is right. In english please because I know you don't speak Gallifreyan...  
**CB: **It is in english.  
**M: **Are you an idiot?  
**CB: **No.  
**M: **Seems like it.  
**CB: **But I don't.  
**M: **Oh? I don't really care what you think, do I?  
**CB: **Well, that wasn't nice.  
**M: **Nice is overrated. I have never been nice.  
**CB: **You said you live in London.  
**M: **I used to live there.  
**CB: **Really?  
**M: **Yes!  
**CB: **I am.  
**M: **Probably, because I haven't killed you yet.  
**CB: **Are you gonna kill me?  
**M: **I'm gonna try. Would you like some tea?  
**CB: **Yes please.  
**M: **Oh, look who found her manners! How do you like your tea?  
**CB: **I am talking English.  
**M: **No shit Sherlock!  
**CB: **Keep digging Watson...  
**M: **I always liked Moriarty the best...  
**CB: **What do you like bad?  
**M: **Obviously.  
**CB: **Obviously?  
**M: **You don't know what it means?  
**CB: **Know what what means?  
**M: **Obviously?!  
**CB: **Yes.  
**M: **Seriously, are you a Cyberman?  
**CB: **No.  
**M: ***taps her head* You're sure?  
**CB: **I can't 'read minds' at will.  
**M: **I can!  
**CB: **No you can't.  
**M: **Yes I can.  
**CB: **Tickle me then.  
**M: **Why the hell would I want to tickle you?  
**CB: **I want to talk to a female!  
**M: ***gives her a blank look* In peace.

**CB: ***wraps up into a blanket* It's cold.

**M: **Is it a shock blanket?  
**CB: **No.  
**M: **Why?  
**CB: **Because I am the Doctor.

_AN: __And yes, I was freaked out after that. Who wouldn't? *giggles*_


End file.
